Czech Humor- Mix/- part 1
Transl. by Maya

  • The financial crisis has already reached me
    I eat moldy cheeses, drink old wines, and drive in a car without a roof

  • I like to ask vegetarians to stop eating food for my food

  • How far is the train station?”
    “Two kilometers.”
    “That’s what you said three hours ago.”
    “I never change my mind.”

  • I’m like a genie… I’ll appear wherever a bottle opens.

  • Defense Minister says to the Chinese President:
    “The Czech Republic declared war on us.”
    “How many are there?”
    “About 10million”
    “And in which hotel do they live?”

  • How many sugar cubes do you put into your coffee?
    “At home two, when visiting, four.”
    “Make yourself at home!”

  • Mom, they’re laughing at school at me for being Rambo
    “Well, I’ll go to school tomorrow and complain!”
    “No, Mom, this is my war.”

  • On a meadow, horseshoe rusts next to a four-leaf clover.
    “Why nobody found us?” asks a horseshoe cloverleaf.
    “We’re just not lucky.”

  • Funniest thing about this “joke”
    is that before you realize it’s completely and totally about nothing,
    it’s too late to stop reading it.

  • Mr.Novak buys a newspaper and finds out on payment that he forgot his wallet at home.
    The willing tobacconist tells him:
    “You can pay me the paper tomorrow.”
    “What if I die today?”
    “Oh, in that case also nothing happens.”

  • Bald one scoffs at the hunchback:
    “What’s in your backpack?”
    Hunchback says: “Your comb!”

  • Computer games destroyed my life!
    Fortunately, I have still two more.

  • One fly to another says:
    “The dumbest creatures are humans.
    They build ceilings and themselves walking on the floor…

  • The employee comes to the boss and says,
    “If you don’t increase my salary, I’ll tell others you did.”

  • The bank clerk says, “Lady, but this thousand is fake!”
    “What?! But, … but that means I was raped!”

  • “I Have Already Forgiven You”
    The girl wrote to me with nail polish on the hood of my BMW.

  • At 3 o’clock last night my neighbor was ringing!
    Really, he just showed up at 3 in the morning and rang.
    I was so startled that the drill nearly fell out of my hand.

  • Do you know when the world lies at your feet?
    When your smartphone falls to the ground.

  • Vodka with ice will destroy your kidneys.
    Icy rum will ruin your liver
    Whiskey with ice will ruin your heart.
    Gin with ice will destroy your brain.
    Pepsi with ice will destroy your teeth.
    Ice is obviously… dangerous to life!
    Warn all your friends: avoid the ice!
    Do not forget that the ice also sank the Titanic!

  • The biggest success of Austrian transnational marketing would
    be: To convince the world that Mozart is Austrian and Hitler German.

  • One beer and hotdog with mustard.
    “And are we already 18?”
    So, well…then with a ketchup

  • There are two men coming out of the Monte Carlo casino.
    One in shorts and the other completely naked.
    Naked says, “I do admire you. You always know when to stop.

  • How it was …
    The judge asks the accused:
    “Mr. accused, did the burglary take place as described in the indictment? ”
    “No, but I have to say that their method is quite good.”

    See you with the next issue…


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