“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
Prince Philip

1. A cautious man parks a car in Prague on a busy road, but before leaving for a restaurant he leaves a sign behind the window:
“I don’t have a car radio, the engine is jammed, the tank unfilled and the trunk is empty. When he returns to his car two hours later there is a message written under his:”
“So then those wheels you wouldn’t miss too!”

2. Last night, the news said everyone who was going to travel in this weather should have snow chains, a tow rope, a flashlight, a jack, a blanket, a shovel, and a spare wheel… Well, I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning.

3. The biker turns to the neighbor’s bed in the hospital and says;
“Does it seem to me that we’ve met before?”
Yeah, that’s why we both lying here…

4. American, German, and Czech talk about the value of their cars.
The American says, “My car cost me three months’ salaries.”
A German added: My car cost me about 6 months of salary.
Czech: “My car cost me my whole life savings.
Both of them turn to him and whistle: “Gee, you got such an expensive car?”
(This can be understood only by those, who lived in socialism…)
When some family had a car, usually 10 and up yrs old, then father and sons spent every minute of their free time under it, repairing it and hunting after parts (which was a miracle to find…)

5. “My uncle is a genius,” boasts a friend Josef, “he took the engine from Mercedes, seats from Cadillac, wheels
from Ford …”
“So, what he made out? A new car?” Asks a curious friend. “No, three years in jail.”

6. “Dad, why don’t you ever let me drive our car? I am old enough. ”
The son begs his father. “You maybe, but not the car yet!”

7. The truck driver says to his retarded help man: “Go ahead and show me where to go.”
So, he gets off and shows: “You can, you can, you can’t…now come and see what you did!”

8. 10% of all road accidents are caused by drunk driving.
It is logical to conclude that sober driving is much more dangerous.

9. The cop stops the car, run by an old lady:
“Lady, you have exceeded eighty, you know that?”
“I just look like it in that wig!” The woman defends herself.

10. The couple buys a used but still good-looking car in a used car bazaar and heads home with it. Halfway down,
however, their engine dies, and they both get off and push the car up the hill ahead. After fifty meters, the
man turns to his wife and says, “I already know what that fool meant when he told us this car needed almost no
gas!”

11. Shining Volvo rides through a Jewish neighborhood when suddenly fart, fart … and the car dies. Half the city
meets around the car, but no one knows what to do when it comes to calling young Isaac, a great talent on cars.
Isaac punches the engine three times with a hammer and the car drives like a new one.
“What am I owe you?” Asks the owner of the vehicle. “Two hundred”, Isaac doesn’t hesitate. “Could I get a
receipt?” the man asks.
“Oh, yeah,” Isaac says and writes on paper:
Three hammer blows- 5 crowns, knowing where 195 crowns.

12. The head of the madhouse hospital leading foreign visitors…
“And here we have car fools.”
“But there is no one here, say surprised visitors!” “You are mistaking, all are under the bed repairing.”

13. “By the way, mister mechanic, don’t forget to fix my horn!”
“Why do you care so much about the horn, sir?”
“Because my brakes don’t work!”

Nice drive wishes from
Maya

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