“If you don’t own a dog,
at least one,
there is not necessarily anything wrong with you,
but there may be something wrong with your life.”
Roger A. Caras

About Dogs- Humor
compiled by Maya

Welcome to some fun, which is, as far as I know, anyone’s experience having a dog and that way always stay in your mind as a sunny day… Even sometimes damage caused (a bit) was meant well, just to get your precious attention, isn’t that a truth?
Maya

DOG RULES

  1. The dog is not allowed in the house!
  2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
  3. The dog is allowed in all rooms but has to stay off the
    furniture.
  4. The dog can get on the OLD furniture only.
  5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture but is not allowed
    to sleep with the humans on the bed.
  6. All right, the dog is allowed on the bed, but ONLY by invitation.
  7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but NOT under the
    covers.
  8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation ONLY.
  9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
  10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the
    dog.

Doggy Dictionary

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid which, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get the drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human 
exchange of business cards.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to 
test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control 
body fat. To get a maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans 
remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home.

BATH: If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous, and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

LEAN: Every good dog’s response to the command “sit!” especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn’t get the attention you require … especially effective when combined with the sniff. See above.

CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return.

Why Dogs Can’t Use Computers

He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears
“You’ve Got Mail”.
It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
He can’t stick his head out of Windows 98

Dog One-Liners:

My goal in life is to become as wonderful as my dog
thinks I am.
I love the dog. He does nothing for political reasons.”
Properly trained, a man can be a dog’s best friend.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, “How do you like that? Pay toilets!”
I have a great dog. She’s half Lab, a half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she’ll bring it back to me.
Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.

Your Dog’s Barking

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty-four a.m. by his ringing telephone…
“Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.
Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and 
number before hanging up.
The next morning at precisely four forty-four a.m.,
Bernard called his neighbor back …
“Good morning, Mr. Williams… Just called to say that I don’t have a dog.

A Dog’s Diary

8:00 AM – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM – Lunch! My favorite thing!
01:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
03:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
05:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
07:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
08:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

My Friends – Pets…

Enclosing youtube video I came across, just to peak in lives of our best friends. Sure, they have their own way in everything, even fun…so let them enjoy life and actually take a part in it occasionally…
All the best to you and all your animal friends…
Maya

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